What is spiritual narcissism? These narcissists are at your church, yoga class and more
Narcissists are everywhere − and, yes, that includes church.
If you've been involved in a church, yoga class, meditation group or other religious or spiritual community, odds are you've come across a spiritual narcissist, or a narcissist who uses spirituality and religion as a means to garner attention and validation, also known as narcissistic supply, to control others.
By no means does someone being religious or spiritual mean they're a narcissist. Rather, psychologists say, spiritual narcissists distort religion and spirituality to cater to their own selfish interests, as well as to punish and abuse others.
"As a society, we tend to assume certain positive things about people who go to church or practice a religion," says Chelsey Cole, a psychotherapist and author of "If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth." "We assume that they’re honest, genuine and well-intended. These assumptions serve narcissists very well, because they can effectively hide their lies and manipulation behind their spiritual mask."
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How do narcissists view religion and spirituality?
Spiritual narcissists will often take religious teachings out of context in order to gaslight people into doing what they want them to do or to justify their own mistreatment of others. If you speak out or raise questions to a spiritual narcissist, expect a smear campaign, in which the narcissist criticizes your faith, spiritual practice and morals.
Like all narcissists, spiritual narcissists also lack empathy, caring only about themselves. Because of this, being perceived as spiritual and enlightened is often more important to them than actually being spiritual or enlightened.
"They act like they speak for God and, if you don’t do what they want, then you’re against God. Essentially, they put themselves between you and God and claim that if you don’t do whatever they want you to do, then you’re not a 'true believer' or that you’re a bad person," Cole says. "They never practice what they preach."
In extreme scenarios, spiritual narcissists may even start cults or become cult leaders, says Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author of "Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse."
"Anyone that's in a position of power can inflict narcissistic abuse on others, and, particularly when it's a spiritual organization, you have people that might be vulnerable, that may be more of a target for narcissists," Sarkis says. "There's inherent power in leading a group of people."
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What are the signs of spiritual narcissism?
Here are some signs you may be dealing with a spiritual narcissist, according to Cole:
They resist feedback.
They’re quick to judge (and judge harshly).
They always give a spiritual reason for why they're right and you’re wrong.
They act like their relationship with God is more special than anyone else's.
They justify abusive actions by saying it's what God has "called" them to do.
They claim God has "chosen" them for positions of power or leadership within the community.
When in doubt, listen to your intuition too, Sarkis adds: "If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't."
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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Spiritual narcissism: These narcissists are at your church, yoga class
